Indian Givers

There are a couple of very dear women in the ladies' Bible study I participate in.  They are warm, enthusiastic, and devoted......but they worry.  Oh, how they worry!  They get hold of something and they are like pit bulls.  They do not let go for anything.  They turn it over and over.  They ask all of us a million questions....or just the same question a million times.

They give a problem to God, but then later, like the kid who has given his buddy his favorite toy in a moment of generosity and then decides he wants it back,  they will latch on to it and pull, screaming "It's mine! It's mine! I never meant for you to keep it.  I only said you could borrow it!" These are the kids we used to call Indian givers, though I'm sure that's seriously politically incorrect these days.

Thanks to Simone, I think I'm on to something that might help.  It's called a God Box and it's doing wonders for me, but I don't worry at quite the same levels these sisters in Christ do.

What's a God Box?

It's a box or any container that you designate to represent God.  When you have something on your mind that you just can't let go of, write it down and put it in the God Box.  It's a symbol of having given it over to God and we all know you don't pull Indian Giver with God.  No sir, what's put in his capable hands stays in his hands.  You don't keep taking it back to worry over....and you don't take those papers back out of the God Box, either.

Here's my handy work:

I found these two boxes at Michael's craft store.  They were
originally $7.99 each, but were on sale for 40% off.

I used scrapbooking stickers and papers to embellish the inside
with sweet little springtime birdies and nests.

An explanation of how it works is included because I know
these women.  They will ask me 1000 times otherwise.

A reminder that what goes in the box, STAYS in the box.

And finally, I included some cards with verses about trusting God.

Here's What's Up

I've been A.W.O.L. lately.  Sorry about that.  It was a busy weekend and now I find I'm really feeling run down and tired.....which has me feeling "blah" and struggling to fight off those lies Satan likes to whisper in my ear.  I'm doing a so-so job at it and feeling a bit blue and sorry for myself today.

*Easter really bummed me out...as just about any holiday is tending to do these days.  Those are the times when it's impossible to ignore that our son and his family aren't here.  We send gifts to the kids and make a point of sending a message that we love them.  Tim has heard from him twice recently.  Megan hears from him now and then.  I haven't heard a thing.  It stinks, but I won't apologize for something I did not do.  I waffled about it a while ago and Tim said no.  I told him to go see the kids since the anger apparently doesn't extend to him.  He says he won't go unless I am welcome, too.  So now I feel guilty about that.

*Tim doesn't see the orthopedic guy for his hand until Thursday.  He hasn't slowed down on working with one hand in a cast....but when he's at home he wants Megan and I to do everything for him and gets mad if we don't.  Megan and I are running out of good humor.

*I haven't heard anything from the doctor about the x-rays of my knee, so I guess that means there isn't anything seriously wrong.  He said he'd call if there was and he's very good about that, not like some offices.  I think I'm still going to call later this week just to ask him to explain what I was looking at when I saw the big white spot on the bone with a white zig-zag running up from it.

*Megan stayed at a friend's house last night.  She is (according to her Facebook status) out putting in applications this morning.  I hope she has some luck.  Her big goal is to move out of here.  I'm not against that.  Maybe if she does we will still have a relationship.  Right now we're not so good.  She is back to sleeping most of the day and being up all night.  I rarely see her and when she is here and awake, she stays in her room avoiding us.  She gets loud and defensive if I try to say anything to her...doesn't even wait to see what's up.

Sigh.  This stuff with my kids is breaking my heart.  I wish I knew how it went so horribly wrong.

Anyway....

*Easter was a little different.  Our little fellowship had a service at 10:00 and several of us had decided to go out for dinner afterward.  Tim told Megan she had to go.  She did, though she complained about being tired and not feeling good the whole time and was worried about when we'd be done so she could go celebrate Easter with her un-boyfriend and his family.  We also invited my mom and her husband and miracle of miracles, they went!  I believe they enjoyed themselves, too.

*There was no ham in our Easter.  The dinner after church was at a huge Chinese buffet that just opened.  It was very good!  And this was my fortune....

Bahahahahaha!  Now that's a keeper!

*For supper that night I made chicken enchiladas.  Other than church it really didn't feel like Easter at all.  I guess, just like I've had to do with Christmas, I'll learn to adjust and accept that the traditions and family don't mean to others what they've always meant to me.

*The Civic Club met last night.  I shared a little about them last month.  We are looking at the fact that after 90+ years of service, it is time to disband the club.  It has outlived it's usefulness...and most of its members.  Things went better than I ever expected last night as far as taking care of business and I did something that someone should have done a long, long, loooong time ago.  I stood my ground with "Mary."

Mary is the woman that every church or club has.  She has been there forever so she "knows" everything.  She is bossy and wants things run her way.  I've been president for 2 years and I don't think I've done a thing without Mary calling (or having her hench-woman call) to tell me it needs done and how to do it.

Mary is manipulative, domineering, condescending, stubborn, expects to get her way, and will beat a dead horse into the ground during meetings.  The one thing she is very, very good at is claiming the limelight and getting her face and/or name in the newspaper.  Last night we had a motion on the table and I called for a vote.  Mary jumped in and wanted to discuss the disbanding.  What we were voting on was financial and would not move the disbanding forward in any way.  I told Mary we could discuss the disbanding after the vote.  She kept insisting we discuss it.  I kept telling her we would after the vote since it DID NOT AFFECT what we were voting on.  She kept insisting like I wasn't even talking.  I finally put on my big, loud, take-no-prisoners-voice, leaned across the table, pointed right at her and said, AFTER THE VOTE.  You could have heard a pin drop as everyone waited to see what Mary would do (she is not a popular lady except in her own mind because she belongs to virtually every organization in town).  She sat back and said...."Well, okay then."  And that was it.

I really don't condone yelling at 80-year-old women, but you know....sometimes they have it coming and need to be reminded that age doesn't mean you get to ride rough-shod over everyone.

*I made a  Sunshine cake for the meeting last night.  It was amazing!  Here's the recipe if you want it.

Cake
1 package of yellow cake mix
1/2 cup vegetable oil*
1/2 cup chopped walnuts
4 eggs
1 (11 ounce) can of mandarin oranges, undrained

 *For High altitude: Add 1/4 cup of flour and decrease oil to 2 Tbsp.

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Grease the bottom of a 13x9 pan. Beat cake mix, (flour-if High Altitude), oil, walnuts, eggs and mandarin orange segments with juice on low speed for 30 seconds. Then mix on medium speed for 2 minutes. Bake at 350 degrees for 25-30 minutes. Cool for about 1 hour before frosting cake. 

Frosting
1 (26 ounce) can crushed pineapple, undrained
1 large package of vanilla instant pudding
1 (8 ounce) container of non-dairy whipped topping (my Mom uses Cool-whip)

Stir undrained pineapple and pudding mix together until completely mixed.  Fold in non-dairy whipped topping.  Frost cake.  Store in refrigerator until ready to use.

Note:  Store leftovers in refrigerator.

The Invisible Woman Speaks Up

There's been a lot of unpleasant stuff going on in my life the past few days.  Without getting into it, I'll just say it's family related.  I know many of you will sympathize without knowing more.  I wasn't even going to mention it at all on the blog, but I read this article over at Messy Marriage written by Beth Steffaniak.  

Beth writes about what kind of person we are in our marriage, invisible or transparent, and how that affects our relationship with our spouse (and no, the unpleasantness in my life isn't with my husband).  I think the logic Beth spells out in her article applies to ALL of our relationships.

Well, here....take this quiz she gives:

1. Do you consistently own up to your faults and sins or fear the ramifications of doing so?
2. Do you let “trusted” friends (as opposed to all your Facebook friends)know how you’re “really” doing or keep things to yourself?
3. Are you and most of your friends more self-accepting or self-conscious/self-condemning?
4. Do you accept conflict and deal with it humbly/responsibly or generally avoid and/or fear conflict?
5. Do you humbly and honestly work through an offense or quickly let loose with your anger?

Affirmative answers to the first half of each question indicates transparency.  Agreeing with the second half indicates invisibility.

My answers:

1. I tend to the latter.  Born out of the shame my dad always made me feel.  
2. I keep things to myself.  I have a "Never let them see you cry mentality."
3. I am definitely self-conscious and self-condemning.  I don't think I'm good enough so I certain expect others to think the same way.
4. I LOATHE conflict and avoid it like the plague.
5. This is the only one I'm a bit torn on.  I admit I've been known to lose my temper, but an awful lot of the time I just bottle it up and hold it in.  Now that I'm thinking about it, though, that pretty much just means I'm postponing the inevitable explosion.

So, what can being an invisible woman mean to me?

• If you feel as if you can’t really connect with people—in particular your spouse.
• If you feel like your arguments with your spouse go 'round and 'round.
• If you have a constant sense of shame or fear that often interferes with your marriage.
• If you’re tired of trying to pleasing your spouse and in the end feeling taken for granted.
• If you feel a sense of emptiness that not even your spouse or family can fill.

Wow, can I ever relate to EVERYTHING she said.  I don't feel like I really connect and friendships come hard for me.  Arguments with my husband do, indeed, go 'round and 'round.  The fear and shame don't (at least I don't think they do) interfere in the marriage, but they sure do in other relationships.  I am definitely tired of trying to please people and feeling like they only want anything to do with me when they need me to DO something.  Empty?  Ohhhhh, yes.

I get how this makes me feel, but what affect does it have on the people in my life?  Beth says:

"....if you live like an invisible man or woman, then others,especially your spouse, won’t see “into” you. No, they will seethrough you. Try as you might, your efforts to put your best face forward, to pretend like everything’s all right, or to wear your emotions on your sleeve in an attempt to control or manipulate others will not stop them from seeingthrough you. 

They may not completely realize what they’re seeing, but they’ll know that you’re hiding, not being real, not trusting them with your heart. 

And they will not trust you because of it."  

Ouch.  Seriously.  Ouch.  

Not that long ago a trusted friend told me I needed to tear down the walls and become transparent and let people in.  I've been called fake, a liar, and a few other things by a family member.  I can't tell you how much that hurt, but after reading this I'm realizing there is some truth to the label.  The thing is when you are invisible, people think they know what you're doing and why, but they're wrong and their wrong judgements coupled with the invisible person's fear can lead to a lot of misunderstandings.

I've got a long way to go, but I'm trying.  I'm focusing more on God than on myself and my own wounds.  I'm trying to reach out to people.  It still feels pretty stilted, but there are moments...and of course, the receptivity of the person I try with makes a difference.  It's going pretty well, I think, with Tim, my mom, the ladies at church....others are going to be tougher nuts to crack, but I'm okay with that.  I'm doing my best and I know what's in my heart.  If they can't offer understanding, forgiveness, and let me in then they have some of their own issues to deal with, too.