February 20, 2012

Finding Thankfulness in the Pain

Thankful is NOT how I am wanting to feel this morning.  What I want to feel is anger (maybe even rage) and deep, gut-wrenching grief.  I want to scream and wail and sob until I can't cry any more.  You see my dog died at 8:00 this morning, just an hour and a half ago.  I watched him go downhill all weekend till he was too weak even to lift his head.  My daughter and I spent the night with him between us in the bed, loving on him, talking to him, petting him....and telling him it was okay to leave us, that we'd miss him, but we'd be okay till we see him again.  He took his final gasping breaths in my arms.  And my heart crumbled.


So, here I am with a heart in pieces and a hole in my life where my faithful companion used to be.  I have to fight the natural inclinations.  It's okay to be sad, but God doesn't intend for us to get lost in the mourning and I know Scooby would want me to carry on and be happy.  He was a happy kind of guy.



How do I dig out from under the pain?  The only thing I can do....start remembering the good and counting the blessings.

161.  10 years we did have together, not the ones lost.


162.  Unconditional love.


163.  Companionship.


164.  Happiness and laughter.


165.  A big brave heart that fought to the very end.


Goodbye, my precious friend.  You take a bit of my heart with you, but you've left a lot of yours here with me.


11 comments:

dundee1964 said...

Oh my gosh Stacy. I feel horrible for you. How is Elvis taking it? I'm so sorry. Really. Every time I read one of your updates I get tears too. :-(

Stacy said...

Thanks, Denise. So far the big guy is doing okay. He's been subdued all weekend and still is. I let him see Scooby after he died and he sniffed at him but that was it. It remains to be seen what happens the first time we leave him home alone. We're going to take a walk in a bit to celebrate Scooby's life.

Donna @ The House on the Corner said...

Crying with you Sweetie. I know how hard it is to lose our precious companions. They ask for so very little, and give so much in return.

Ellen Stewart (aka Ellie/El/e/Mrs. Seaman) said...

One of the main reasons we never had a dog when Mac was small is because he didn't think he could handle losing it through death. Brad could really use a dog with him here alone most days (home office), but I wonder too. Yes, I know you'd never trade the ten years you had with Scooby to ease your pain, but...

This too shall pass. Pain becomes a part of us and shapes us into better people.

Poor Elvis, I hope such is true for dogs too.

Wendy S. said...

My heart is breaking with you Stacy and I don't believe we can just stop grieving the way other's say or think…To truly heal I believe we need to go through the whole process, like bereavement, denial, acceptance, bargaining, anger, etc…And it's not just one easy step by step process. You know how much I love my girls and anyone doesn't understand the intense pain it takes in losing a beloved pet, doesn't know true love. I'm so sorry for your loss, Stacy and the mourning will end not when you expect it to, but when you're ready to…if completely ever.

Beth Zimmerman said...

I'm so sorry Stacy! I'm glad you have good memories that will eventually fill in the empty places and lessen the pain of loss!

Modern Day Disciple said...

Oh, I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet friend, Stacy! He looks so much like my moms black poodle named Bella. There are no words for the loss of our precious pets. It hurts so when they leave us with our memories alone and a place in our hearts where they also remain (I have lost a few of my dearest fur friends over the course of this life) ...sorry for the pain. My heart is sad with you...

Rebecca said...

I know how hard this is! I lost my teacup poodle of 18 years last year and the mourning was horrible. It wasn't long before I replaced her with a new love. God is so wonderful to let us love our animals....I think it is part of us having dominion over the earth and the animals. I'm sad for you but am happy you have seen the gifts in even this most difficult time!

Debby@Just Breathe said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I know how much it hurts. ((HUGS))

Stacy said...

Thank you all for the sympathy and comfort! I've been overwhelmed here and on Facebook. We sure love our fur babies. They weave themselves into our hearts and lives and are part of our families just like anyone else.

There is pain,yes, but would we give up one minute of our time with them to avoid it? No! And we gladly open our hearts over and over throughout a lifetime. I was lucky to have made it to nearly 50 without ever having to go through this before, but I will go through it again because there is always going to be a dog in my life.

Tereasa said...

Stacy, I am slowly working my way through the links on Ann's Monday blog. I have to say your post reached into my heart and squeezed a bit. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope the rest of your week has been better! God bless you as you love his creatures, great and small.

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