Thankful is NOT how I am wanting to feel this morning. What I want to feel is anger (maybe even rage) and deep, gut-wrenching grief. I want to scream and wail and sob until I can't cry any more. You see my dog died at 8:00 this morning, just an hour and a half ago. I watched him go downhill all weekend till he was too weak even to lift his head. My daughter and I spent the night with him between us in the bed, loving on him, talking to him, petting him....and telling him it was okay to leave us, that we'd miss him, but we'd be okay till we see him again. He took his final gasping breaths in my arms. And my heart crumbled.
So, here I am with a heart in pieces and a hole in my life where my faithful companion used to be. I have to fight the natural inclinations. It's okay to be sad, but God doesn't intend for us to get lost in the mourning and I know Scooby would want me to carry on and be happy. He was a happy kind of guy.
How do I dig out from under the pain? The only thing I can do....start remembering the good and counting the blessings.
161. 10 years we did have together, not the ones lost.
162. Unconditional love.
164. Happiness and laughter.
165. A big brave heart that fought to the very end.
Goodbye, my precious friend. You take a bit of my heart with you, but you've left a lot of yours here with me.