Talk to Me

I thought today was going to be a good day when I started out....and it has been, but not in the way I had imagined.  Today was the last day of school for the public school district I drive for, so I knew the kids were going to be in good moods and a lot of fun.  Add to that a half-day and what's not to like?

I don't want to be a downer so I won't go into detail, but things started going wrong right from the beginning. There were a couple of times I just wanted to give up, but God started talking....and he kept on talking.  In fact, he never shut up all day.  He has been calling me on the carpet about, well, EVERYTHING!!  He's even thrown in a couple of probie hits for good measure (a probie hit is what they call it when Gibbs on NCIS smacks someone on the back of the head).

So, here I am and things are still botched up, but I'm not feeling so bad about them.  It's kind of hard to when you've been chatting with God all day and he's telling you to ask him for what you need, to trust him, and get to know him even better.

On to the counting with Ann and the others.....

86.  A fall on an already problematic knee that could have been much worse....but wasn't.

87.  Cooler temperatures for these final days of school.

88.  A God who knows our deepest hurts and needs....and wants us to give them to him to take care of.

89.  A generous and thoughtful thank you gift from a student of a tart warmer and 6 packages of homemade scented tarts (Mom has a small business selling them and candles.)

90.  Hugs from students I never expected hugs from.

91.  A big sale on t-bones...guess what's cooking on the grill tonight?

92.  That we can get sweet ripe fruits all year round.  Local and organic is best, but some is healthier than none at all like our forefathers had.

93.  A summer that is filling up with lots of great things to do....and still plenty of down time.

94.  The wonder of seedlings pushing through freshly tilled soil in the garden.

95.  12 days until the Toby Keith concert with a friend.

96.  Two little froggies swimming in the fish pond.

97.  The heady scent of the blossoms on the mock orange bush.

98.  The warmth of a tiny poodle body pressed against my back during the night.

99.  Worship songs that make my soul cry out in praise.

100.  New friends.

Indian Givers

There are a couple of very dear women in the ladies' Bible study I participate in.  They are warm, enthusiastic, and devoted......but they worry.  Oh, how they worry!  They get hold of something and they are like pit bulls.  They do not let go for anything.  They turn it over and over.  They ask all of us a million questions....or just the same question a million times.

They give a problem to God, but then later, like the kid who has given his buddy his favorite toy in a moment of generosity and then decides he wants it back,  they will latch on to it and pull, screaming "It's mine! It's mine! I never meant for you to keep it.  I only said you could borrow it!" These are the kids we used to call Indian givers, though I'm sure that's seriously politically incorrect these days.

Thanks to Simone, I think I'm on to something that might help.  It's called a God Box and it's doing wonders for me, but I don't worry at quite the same levels these sisters in Christ do.

What's a God Box?

It's a box or any container that you designate to represent God.  When you have something on your mind that you just can't let go of, write it down and put it in the God Box.  It's a symbol of having given it over to God and we all know you don't pull Indian Giver with God.  No sir, what's put in his capable hands stays in his hands.  You don't keep taking it back to worry over....and you don't take those papers back out of the God Box, either.

Here's my handy work:

I found these two boxes at Michael's craft store.  They were
originally $7.99 each, but were on sale for 40% off.

I used scrapbooking stickers and papers to embellish the inside
with sweet little springtime birdies and nests.

An explanation of how it works is included because I know
these women.  They will ask me 1000 times otherwise.

A reminder that what goes in the box, STAYS in the box.

And finally, I included some cards with verses about trusting God.

We Wait

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Holy Saturday.  The Bible is pretty quiet about what went on between the crucifixion and the resurrection.  It's a day when we are traditionally silent....like the whole world is holding its breath.

I've always imagined there is more to the story.  The Bible tells us that when Jesus died the sky grew dark, a great earthquake shook the land and opened the tombs, thus freeing the bodies of the holy ones who had gone before to walk the earth again. If that wasn't scary enough, the temple curtain....the curtain that closed off the Holy of Holies....the curtain no one but the high priest went behind (and him only once a year while tied to a rope so his body could be pulled out if he made a mistake in there)....THAT curtain was torn from top to bottom.

Can you imagine the terror and confusion that must have been going on?  Huge crowds running in the streets, screaming in fear.....what would be the reaction to meeting someone on the street you recognized and knew to be long dead?  Did people hide....trying to escape the wrath of God?  What did they think when the Holy of Holies was opened and exposed?  Did they cower in fear?  Did they run away?

I would think that the people were still talking about it the next day.  They would have been like us, comparing stories, wanting more details, wondering how to make sense of it, would it happen again, why did it happen, had God turned his back on them?  So many questions.  It would have been big news.  Everyone would have been talking about it.  And what about those people raised from the dead?  You couldn't just ignore them walking around.

We know the chief priests and Pharisees were afraid.  They asked Pilate to secure the tomb to make sure Jesus's body remained inside.  They still didn't believe him to be the Messiah, but they were afraid the disciples would steal his body and claim that he rose from the dead.  So, a seal was put on the stone covering the tomb and a guard was posted.

That is where Saturday ends.  The world seems poised on the edge of its seat, breath held.....what will come next?





*The regular Saturday sampling of links will return next week.

Not Really "Pondering" Maundy Thursday

Not a lot of time today so I won't be pondering with Brenda, but please, if you're a regular reader of Pondering with a Purpose shoot over to her blog and check out the other entries.

This is Holy Week for Christians all over the world and today is known as Holy Thursday or Maundy Thursday.  It's the day our Lord celebrated the Last Supper with his disciples, trying to teach them everything he could in his remaining hours with them.

Chances are it looked more like this than the famous
da Vinci version we are all familiar with.

It's the day Jesus entered into a new covenant with believers through the ordinance of Communion.

It's the day he taught us how to be servants....by being one himself.

The ordinance of foot washing teaches us humility
and servanthood.  It is a deeply spiritual experience.

It is the day Jesus cried out alone in the garden at Gethsemane for the Father to release him from what lay ahead, yet welcomed God's perfect will.

And it is the day he was betrayed by one of his own , arrested, tried and convicted to death, even though he alone was and is perfect and blameless.

Think on these things today.  I'll be back tomorrow with some thoughts on Good Friday.

Catching Up

It's so hard to drag myself back to writing (or anything else) after a busy weekend and yesterday's snow day, on which I did a whole lot of NOTHING!  I pretty much decided to take a snow day from everything....something I think a girl needs to do from time to time.

We kicked the weekend off at a party for "the tenth anniversary" of our friend's 50th birthday Friday night.  His wife had a wonderful meal catered and his adult children planned some activities that were a lot of fun and had everyone howling with laughter.

A run to the grocery store was needed on the way home from the party, because this little chickie volunteered to bring the snack for the women's group on Saturday morning.  I took fresh fruit, carmel-apple cake, and blueberry bread....which I baked Friday night when I got home.  (Yes, yes, I am a glutton for punishment.)  The ladies liked it all and I didn't bring much home, so it was worth it.

Speaking of the women's group.  Wow.  If I haven't said it before.....my girls ROCK!!  I don't know if it was because it was the eve of Holy Week, or that day's lesson, or what, but we had some heavy-duty sharing and bonding going on.  Lot's of prayer, lots of tears, lots of hugs.....lots of Kleenex.  We are studying Beth Moore's Jesus, the One and Only and even though I tend to be a bit watchful of anyone who preaches so easily and has such a huge following, there is much to be gained from this study in the way of getting to know Jesus more intimately.

**About being on watch,  it's partly because so often a smooth talker tells us things that aren't quite true, but it sounds good because they have a grain of truth and because they can weave magic with their words.  It's also because with someone who is a big personality like Beth, there is a danger of following the teacher rather than Christ.  In extreme cases that's what happens to those poor souls who fall into the control of cults.....remember Jim Jones?  What I'm getting at, is that when we are called before God, we'd better be able to show a life spent following what the Word says, not what some teacher said.

Saturday night we went to church and stayed for the fellowship dinner.  Sunday we attended the church board meeting (I'm the acting president and Tim had to give a report on the old church we are re-doing.) and did another run to the grocery store....this time for things for Tim's lunches this week and a few needed things around the house.  Sundays are usually Tim's only down time so unless there is somewhere we have to be...he does a lot of napping.

Yesterday was another snow day!  That's the third in as many weeks, I think.  We are out of scheduled make-up days so this one will be tacked on at the end of the year.  While I appreciate not having to drive the bus in bad weather, I have to admit a 2-hour delay probably would have been enough.  Oh well,  I used the day to catch up on my reading, play (and nap) with the dogs, and make Megan's favorite supper (city chicken) with her since she was actually at home.

A Multitude Monday

Did you have a good weekend?  Are you feeling refreshed and ready to face a new day?  A new week?  Oh, how I hope you are.  Each day is a gift and too valuable to waste on negative feelings and thoughts.  Those happen, I know...believe me, I know how they creep in uninvited and knead around like a cat getting comfortable and settling in.  The "trick" is in being aware and catching them before that happens, in turning our eyes to the One who also knows, who can drive those feelings away and leave instead peace, hope, and a joy that swells beyond measure unfettered by earthly whims.

My weekend was blessed.  The ladies from church met Saturday morning for our continuing study of Jesus.  I thank God for those women every day.  We have become friends and sisters, but more than that, I think.  We share our celebrations and our heartbreaks.  We rejoice and we cry.  What we are is real and honest.  I have been a part of other groups before, but NEVER one like this, one where I willingly share the deepest recesses of my heart and soul.  Never one with this kind of trust in each other.

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Church on Saturday evening was wonderful as it always is.  The fellowship after was even better than usual.  Everyone was in high spirits (maybe because of the mild weather?) and oh my, the laughter!  We laughed and laughed...until it hurt.  I praise the God who knew that his children need to laugh and knew that it could heal as much as any medicine some times.

Sunday was simply a day of rest for Tim and I.  We stayed home except to go to Red Lobster for dinner.  By the way, if you like Red Lobster and Lobsterfest sounds good to you, go to the website and get a coupon good for $10 off on any 2 Lobsterfest meals.  You can get it sent to your email and then either print it out or just show it to them on your smartphone.

There was a "theme" running throughout my weekend...something that kept popping up over and over, but I will share more about that on Wednesday in my Writing to God: 40 Days of Praying with My Pen post.  Speaking of that, I don't have a date for you, other than not this week, but I will be hosting the Writing to God community one of these coming weeks.  I'm so excited.  I feel like I should prepare.  Company is coming!  Man your battle stations!  Ugh!  How does one Spring clean a blog???  LOL

And on to the counting, which I've discovered I was wrong about....Ann has continued the Monday link up. I must have looked on a week when she forgot the link.....or I just completely missed it, which is totally possible, and probably more than likely.  This dealing with a middle-aged brain is not for sissies, let me tell you!  Anyway....

11.  Squeals of children's laughter as a grown man crawls under tables and plays tag with them.

12.  A new plan to take a group to Tennessee at the end of July for training as Precepts teachers.

12.5  Training that falls after an already paid for vacation so I can go.

13.  Red Lobster's cheddar/garlic biscuits.  How good are those things?!

14.  Warm days and sunshine....a promise that winter will end, life will return.

15.  A brother-in-law awake, alert, and stroke-free with sugar under control.

16.  Rest and relaxation, an entire day of just the hubs and me.

17.  The confidence of a friend.

18.  Sweet bus kids who make me smile.

19.  Birds flying rapid-fire and low over the dogs and me....so intent on playing the Spring game of finding a mate, that they barely noticed us as we jumped out of their way.

20.  The scent of wood smoke on a cool morning.

 

Writing to God: Week 2 & A Farewell to February Hodgepodge

Still...still...STILL.

Be still is your command.

Be still and... know.

In the stillness and the quiet is...YOU.

Linking up w/ Dawn for
Writing to God: 40 Days of Praying with My Pen

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1.  When were you last facing an ocean? Using just ONE word, describe how you felt as you faced that ocean. 
~ It's been a while since I last faced the ocean, but to describe how it made me feel in one word....FREE!

2. What are three sounds you hate to hear?
~ Any living thing, human or animal, crying in pain or fear.  A ringing phone in the middle of the night.  Whining.
  
3. This question comes to you courtesy of some real life friends. Hi real life friends! When you shop for yourself, do you try everything on in the store before buying or do you buy, try on at home, and then return what you don't like or what doesn't fit?
~ It completely depends on how I'm feeling that day, what I'm wearing, how much time I have, when I need the outfit.....if I'm tired or rushed I might not try stuff on.  If I'm wearing clothes that are a real pain to keep taking off and putting back on...not going to do it.  If I need the outfit for later that day.....I'll be trying it (and approximately 42 more outfits) on....and chances are that none of them will make me happy.

4. February 26th is National Pistachio Day...are you a fan of the little green nut? Do you use them in cooking and baking or prefer to eat them right out of the shell?
~ I don't like nuts of any kind.  Peanut butter is the only thing I will eat.

5. When did you last have to compromise with someone?  Were you happy to reach the compromise or slightly irritated it was necessary? 
~ Um, I'm married, have kids, work with kids, preside over the church council....I compromise all the time.  I don't mind and think it's a good thing unless it requires me to go against my core biblical beliefs...at which point there will be NO compromise.

6.  Have you ever written a letter to an elected official? Did you get a response?
~ I spent a summer in high school working away from home in the Pocono Mountains for the Youth Conservation Corps.  I would have been old enough the following year to return as a counselor/leader, but President Reagan cut funding for the program.  I wrote to him and also to my congressman, John Heinz (yes, Teresa Heinz-Kerry's first husband and the one who left her with oodles of $$$).  I got a form postcard back from the White House thanking me for my input and telling me that my opinion had been filed appropriately.  Yeah, we all know what that meant.  Sen. Heinz on the other hand, sent me a personal letter that he actually signed.  I still have it somewhere.

7. We 'March' into a new month at the end of this week...what's something on your March calendar guaranteed to make you smile?
~ Five days off work at Easter!

8.  Insert your own random thought here.
~ So very, very glad the big storm yesterday and today turned out to be the storm that wasn't.  I have had more than enough winter at this point.  We've not had any snow days.  The arrival of the weather always seems to be such that the buses are already on the road or the kids are already at school and we have no choice but to continue.  I'm sick of ice, too.  We have a dirt parking lot at work and it ends up being a sheet of ice.  Last Friday we had a short period of flash freezing.  It didn't last long and there wasn't a lot of ice, but I managed to fall.  I landed on my hands and knees and did it ever hurt!  I drove that afternoon, though, and spent the evening with it propped up with a cool pack on it.  It's still sore and hurts like a bugger whenever I sit still for a while.  Since driving is what I do...that's quite a bit.  The range of motion just isn't there...thinking I may have to go see the doctor if it doesn't improve in the next couple of days.

Singing the Blues

Calling a mental health day today.  I've been in a bit of a funk this week (even with those massive doses of Vitamin D in my system) and it all came to a head on Friday and Saturday.  Among the many things messing with my groove:

• Yet another 2-hour delay, bitter temperatures, and bad roads.
• Going out to start the car and discovering that someone had been in it and gone through everything.  They didn't take anything but my good driving gloves.  I guess their sticky little fingers were cold.  Still, the idea of someone being in my vehicle...right outside our bedroom window...and we never heard a thing...nor did the dogs.
• Seeing one of Megan's Facebook statuses that said she still wants to leave Pennsylvania for the deep South or maybe out West.  She wants to be anywhere but here.
• Financial woes....found out our tax situation is not good and we're probably going to be making payments for a while.
• Finding out Tim hates has a huge problem with my friend, Bible teacher, and mentor at church.  A big enough problem to make him rant, rave, swear a blue streak, and say when he's done remodeling the church he's done with the church.  Or any church.  Period.
• And my own insecurities are in play right now...trying to convince me I don't fit in with the women at church, that no one really cares if I'm there, that I don't have a place, etc.

I went to the ladies' Bible study yesterday.  It didn't really help.  I know it was probably just my own perception, knowing how Tim is feeling about my friend, being at her house after he'd been kind of rude with her, but I felt on the edge of things and just didn't connect with the lesson.  

The pastor and my teacher were asking me a lot of questions about the church remodel.  I told them they needed to talk to Tim about it not me.  Apparently I gave the impression there was an issue because the pastor called him to ask if he was angry with her.  He isn't and told her so, but he didn't tell her what the problem is....and my teacher seems to be clueless.  

I wish I could go to her, but it's Tim's issue and he is the one that needs to deal with it one way or another.  He did back down and say he probably won't end up quitting the church, but he hasn't backed down on his anger.  I'm heartbroken and disappointed.  I love these people and desire a close relationship with them, but Tim's attitude and anger prevents it because we are excluded from pretty much everything that is couples oriented and I don't do some things because even though Tim says go, I am pretty sure it will become another wedge in our relationship.  

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I really don't know what to do, so for now I continue to pray and attend the basics....Saturday service, Tuesday Bible study, and the ladies' Bible study....all while never seeming to deepen the personal relationships I desire and need so much.

Last night's service helped some.  There is always wonderful worship and that lifted me some and the sermon was about sacrificial living and gave me a lot to think about.  I don't know what the answer is.  I'm just going to have to trust that God will work it out.

Through Thick and Thin

It's kind of a dreary, cold day here....no sunshine, but that's pretty much the winter norm in these parts.  It's why vitamin D deficiencies are not uncommon and why people like me who have a hard time absorbing it have to take massive prescription doses to try and make up for it.  In the past when I haven't been taking it I've actually gotten to a point of craving sunlight.  It will be interesting to see if the supplements put an end to that.

Life officially goes back to normal this week.  Last week didn't count, being a 3-day work week and all.  Tuesday night Bible study is starting back up.  I can't wait for that.  Due to funerals, teacher illness, the holidays, etc. I haven't been there since before Thanksgiving!  The ladies' group starts back up this Saturday.  We're going to be doing Beth Moore's study of Jesus.  Should be good stuff.

Megan is with Cody.  He stopped to get her and take her for a ride in his truck.  He didn't get a new one, but he finally got his lift put on and wanted to show it off.  She is getting pretty tired of his shenanigans (calling and telling her he's coming to get her...then going to the bar instead and never calling) so maybe one of these days she'll get fed up enough to move on to someone who respects her enough to treat her right.  She has a job interview at a plant a couple of miles from the house this afternoon.  Really, really hoping she gets hired.  I think a job, income, and a reason to get up everyday would do wonders for her.  It would also introduce her to new people, something else she needs since she gave up her friends while dating Cody and of course, with the break up his friends no longer talk to her.

Tim's still not feeling well.  He's supposed to call the doctor about an appointment.  He won't go today, I know.  He's working too far away to get back before the office closes and he has to meet the workers at the church to give them the work schedule for the week.  I'm hoping he can get in tomorrow.

glitter-graphics.com

Marriage is hard.  People don't like hard.  I guess that's why there are so many failed marriages out there.  I hate to see a marriage bite the dust.  There's so much trauma involved and not just for the couple, but also for everyone who cares about them.  And the kids, can't forget the kids.

I've been watching several friends go through rough patches in their marriages lately.  A couple aren't so sure their marriages will survive.  Heck, I'm coming out of my own particularly tough stretch.  Tim's a workaholic and after a while or during an extended period of long hours if I don't keep on my toes, all my insecurities, jealousies, and assorted uglies can (and often do) bubble up to the surface.

After all I've been through in 28 years of marriage and all I've read and all I've seen, heard, and witnessed....I've learned a few things:

• Real love isn't an emotion or a feeling or sexual desire.  Back in my youth leader days this is the big point I tried to get across to the teens.  Emotions and feelings and desire definitely are a part of it, an important part, but they come later...or at least they should.  In our world they all too often come first and love never gets a chance to grow.  What I've always tried to explain is that love, real, abiding love of the sort God intended to be between a husband and wife, is a choice.  It is making a decision to put someone else's needs before your own.  It is deciding that you will do all that is within your power (and God's will) to make someone's life better.  It is wanting the best for someone....even before yourself.  It is hard work and sacrifice and it is making a commitment to stick it out "for better or for worse and in sickness and in health."  

• Two wrongs do NOT make a right.  Your spouse's wrong behavior in no way justifies you behaving badly.  You can't control your spouse's behavior, moods, actions or anything else.  That is up to him and between him and God.  What you can control are your own actions and reactions.  God spells out pretty clearly what he calls us to be as wives in several places in the Bible.  Ultimately, he is the one we will answer to.  We want to be able to one day stand before him and know that we did our part right, no matter what our spouse did.  God isn't going to listen to any "yes, but he's...." or "I tried, but did you see what he's...."  When the day comes for us to go before him all we are going to be judged on is our own actions.

• Pray for your spouse.  Even when you don't want to.  Especially when you don't want to.  Prayer changes hearts....and it will start with yours.  It is very difficult to remain angry at or have bad feelings about someone you are sincerely (that's key) praying for.  Refusing to do this and hanging on to your anger is not good for you or your marriage and let's get honest....it's a sin.

• Treat your spouse with respect no matter what.  A lot of you are probably sitting there thinking that either you always do.  Or maybe you think he didn't do anything to earn your respect.  On the first, do you ever grumble to your girlfriends about something he does?  Roll your eyes behind his back? Make decisions that affect the household or marriage without at least getting his input? Those are all disrespect.  And the second?  That goes back to the first thing on the list....real love is a choice.  It is your gift, freely given to someone.  They don't have to earn it (just like we don't earn God's grace).

I'm not perfect at this marriage stuff.  I still struggle with it all the time, but I keep working at it.  That's what God expects....not perfection, but the earnest trying and growing.

If you need some really good advice on marriage, I'll leave you with three excellent books that are always within my reach....

source

This book has gotten me through some really rough times and I find that I go back to it over and over again.

Find it at Amazon.

source

A Woman's High Calling takes a look at the woman of Titus 2 and shows us just what God has called us to be.

Find it at Amazon.

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And finally, The Power of a Praying Wife is probably my all time favorite.  There is nothing like prayer and as I said, prayer changes everything.  Stormie shows how to pray for all areas of our spouse's life.  I love that the first chapter is about taking a look at ourselves and praying for change in our own life before we start praying for our spouse.

Find this one at Amazon, too.

A Last Look at the One Word for 2012

I did choose 0NE word for 2012 back in January.  I wasn't all official and part of the community, though.  In fact, I really didn't even know there was one.

My word for 2012 was "gentleness."

I chose gentleness because it was something I wanted to be.  Something I wanted to become.

Was I successful?  I think I've made progress.  I am definitely more thoughtful before I speak or act.  I consider how my words or actions will affect others.  I try to keep my temper reigned in.

You have been reading my posts over the course of the year.  Maybe you can tell me.  Have you seen a gentling?

It Came, Ready or Not

My Christmas spirit was flagging to begin with thanks to the hubby's crazy work schedule that left no time for anything else, a daughter moping over what was and still is the strangest break-up in history, a child who has chosen to accuse and believe the worst and cut himself off from his family....and then I got sick.  So much to do and no energy to deal with it.  I wanted to just skip it all this year.

I had plenty of good intentions about not dwelling on the bad stuff, but you know what they say about good intentions.  All those bad cootie bugs stripped me of the strength to fight and I gave in.  For all I cared, Christmas could go back where it came from.

But then little by little the "grinch" got kicked to the curb.  We went to church and all that candlelight and Christmas worship got me looking in the right direction.  Then some shopping pushed me a little further into the mood.  Some good friends kept praying for my health and heart.  The hubby stayed supportive and was simply...around, having started his vacation.  The blues got the final heave-ho at church on Christmas Eve.  Amidst all that beauty and surrounded by friends celebrating, I finally let go of the hurt and disappointments and expectations of what the holiday had to be and clung to the only thing that matters....a baby born on a night 2000 years ago, a baby whose birth changed the world, a baby born to die so that one day he could save us.

Hubby's work schedule will most likely be crazy once again after the holidays.  The daughter is still moping.  The son is still estranged.  The sickness is still hanging on.  But we are blessed in so many ways and though there are hurts in this life we know that we can survive them because we don't have to face them alone.  There is One who is always there to carry our burndens if we allow him.

I'm looking forward to the rest of vacation and the coming new year.

Finding Joy

Newtown, Connecticut....Sandy Hook Elementary School....6 brave teachers and administrators....20 precious children.  A tragedy that has rocked the nation.  As we seek to understand we ask hard questions:  "Why?"  "How could this happen?"  "Should we take guns away or arm our teachers?"  "Where was God?"  We also seek someone to blame:  the parents and their divorce; medical, social, and school systems that didn't identify the risk or "fix" the shooter; anyone who knew something was "off" and didn't do anything; God.

I join with everyone in weeping for the pain and heartache left behind for the families and friends, but as a believer and follower of Jesus, I rejoice today because I can take comfort in knowing that those 20 precious lives are in Heaven today.  They will never know pain again, only the absolute joy of being near the Father.

There's a poem going around on Facebook that offers comfort to those who believe it....

twas' 11 days before Christmas, around 9:38

when 20 beautiful children stormed through heaven's gate.

their smiles were contagious, their laughter filled the air.

they could hardly believe all the beauty they saw there.

they were filled wit

h such joy, they didn't know what to say.

they remembered nothing of what had happened earlier that day.

"where are we?" asked a little girl, as quiet as a mouse.

"this is heaven." declared a small boy. "we're spending Christmas at God's house."

when what to their wondering eyes did appear,

but Jesus, their savior, the children gathered near.

He looked at them and smiled, and they smiled just the same.

then He opened His arms and He called them by name.

and in that moment was joy, that only heaven can bring

those children all flew into the arms of their King

and as they lingered in the warmth of His embrace,

one small girl turned and looked at Jesus' face.

and as if He could read all the questions she had

He gently whispered to her, "I'll take care of mom and dad."

then He looked down on earth, the world far below

He saw all of the hurt, the sorrow, and woe

then He closed His eyes and He outstretched His hand,

"Let My power and presence re-enter this land!"

"may this country be delivered from the hands of fools"

"I'm taking back my nation. I'm taking back my schools!"

then He and the children stood up without a sound.

"come now my children, let me show you around."

excitement filled the space, some skipped and some ran.

all displaying enthusiasm that only a small child can.

and i heard Him proclaim as He walked out of sight,

"in the midst of this darkness, I AM STILL THE LIGHT."

I know it's hard and our grief is still raw, but I'm asking and reminding everyone to please, please remember the family of Adam (the shooter) in your thoughts and prayers as well.  It is tempting to hate and lay blame, but they have lost two members and they have to not only deal with that, but also the knowledge of what one of their own has done.

Don't let anger and pain turn us into something we're not.  Turn off the news and stop focusing on and rehashing it all over and over.  Do some volunteer work in your community.  Give of yourself and turn your eyes instead to the good things of this world and to the One who gives them.  Let that be your focus as we enter this blessed and joyous season of celebrating Christ's birth.

The Invisible Woman Speaks Up

There's been a lot of unpleasant stuff going on in my life the past few days.  Without getting into it, I'll just say it's family related.  I know many of you will sympathize without knowing more.  I wasn't even going to mention it at all on the blog, but I read this article over at Messy Marriage written by Beth Steffaniak.  

Beth writes about what kind of person we are in our marriage, invisible or transparent, and how that affects our relationship with our spouse (and no, the unpleasantness in my life isn't with my husband).  I think the logic Beth spells out in her article applies to ALL of our relationships.

Well, here....take this quiz she gives:

1. Do you consistently own up to your faults and sins or fear the ramifications of doing so?
2. Do you let “trusted” friends (as opposed to all your Facebook friends)know how you’re “really” doing or keep things to yourself?
3. Are you and most of your friends more self-accepting or self-conscious/self-condemning?
4. Do you accept conflict and deal with it humbly/responsibly or generally avoid and/or fear conflict?
5. Do you humbly and honestly work through an offense or quickly let loose with your anger?

Affirmative answers to the first half of each question indicates transparency.  Agreeing with the second half indicates invisibility.

My answers:

1. I tend to the latter.  Born out of the shame my dad always made me feel.  
2. I keep things to myself.  I have a "Never let them see you cry mentality."
3. I am definitely self-conscious and self-condemning.  I don't think I'm good enough so I certain expect others to think the same way.
4. I LOATHE conflict and avoid it like the plague.
5. This is the only one I'm a bit torn on.  I admit I've been known to lose my temper, but an awful lot of the time I just bottle it up and hold it in.  Now that I'm thinking about it, though, that pretty much just means I'm postponing the inevitable explosion.

So, what can being an invisible woman mean to me?

• If you feel as if you can’t really connect with people—in particular your spouse.
• If you feel like your arguments with your spouse go 'round and 'round.
• If you have a constant sense of shame or fear that often interferes with your marriage.
• If you’re tired of trying to pleasing your spouse and in the end feeling taken for granted.
• If you feel a sense of emptiness that not even your spouse or family can fill.

Wow, can I ever relate to EVERYTHING she said.  I don't feel like I really connect and friendships come hard for me.  Arguments with my husband do, indeed, go 'round and 'round.  The fear and shame don't (at least I don't think they do) interfere in the marriage, but they sure do in other relationships.  I am definitely tired of trying to please people and feeling like they only want anything to do with me when they need me to DO something.  Empty?  Ohhhhh, yes.

I get how this makes me feel, but what affect does it have on the people in my life?  Beth says:

"....if you live like an invisible man or woman, then others,especially your spouse, won’t see “into” you. No, they will seethrough you. Try as you might, your efforts to put your best face forward, to pretend like everything’s all right, or to wear your emotions on your sleeve in an attempt to control or manipulate others will not stop them from seeingthrough you. 

They may not completely realize what they’re seeing, but they’ll know that you’re hiding, not being real, not trusting them with your heart. 

And they will not trust you because of it."  

Ouch.  Seriously.  Ouch.  

Not that long ago a trusted friend told me I needed to tear down the walls and become transparent and let people in.  I've been called fake, a liar, and a few other things by a family member.  I can't tell you how much that hurt, but after reading this I'm realizing there is some truth to the label.  The thing is when you are invisible, people think they know what you're doing and why, but they're wrong and their wrong judgements coupled with the invisible person's fear can lead to a lot of misunderstandings.

I've got a long way to go, but I'm trying.  I'm focusing more on God than on myself and my own wounds.  I'm trying to reach out to people.  It still feels pretty stilted, but there are moments...and of course, the receptivity of the person I try with makes a difference.  It's going pretty well, I think, with Tim, my mom, the ladies at church....others are going to be tougher nuts to crack, but I'm okay with that.  I'm doing my best and I know what's in my heart.  If they can't offer understanding, forgiveness, and let me in then they have some of their own issues to deal with, too.

What Do I Do?

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In the wake of last week's presidential election those of us who supported Mitt Romney have been struggling.  Struggling to understand how the election seems to have been so completely one-sided when just hours, or even mere moments in the case of some states, before the winner was declared all sources were reporting a race too close to call.  Struggling to make sense of the conflicting information bombarding us concerning the future of the country.  Struggling to know what to do.  Struggling with grief....we are experiencing a form of mourning.

And we are struggling with fear....there are those out there who are using words like "revolution" and "civil war."  They speak of stockpiling gold, silver, food, water, fuel, and ammunition.  Lawsuits and petitions are being filed in some states seeking to separate from the U.S. government.  In my limited experiences these people are not "crazies" or people on the fringe of society.  They are housewives, nurses, prison counselors, mothers, Christians, office workers, veterans, and even state police troopers.

How do we know what to do?

My answer came during Bible study with the women's group I belong to.  We are working our way through Beth Moore's Esther, an excellent study I highly recommend.  Beth says "In a mean world, New Testament believers are called to a good fight."  1 Timothy 1:18-19 tells us "I give you this instruction in keeping with the prophecies once made about you, so that by following them you may fight the good fight, holding on to faith and a good conscience.  Some have rejected these and so have shipwrecked their faith."

So, does that mean we are to take up the fight or remain passive?  I believe it means that God has given us all the direction we need for living in the Word and as long as we are following what He has set out there for us in faith we can have a good conscience about what we do.

1 Peter 2:13-17 says "Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every authority instituted among men; whether to the king, as the supreme authority, or to the governors, who are sent by him to punish those who do wrong and to commend those who do right.  For it is God's will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men.  Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God.  Show proper respect to everyone; Love the brotherhood of believers, fear God, honor the king."

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That I believe says it all.  It doesn't matter who is president.  The path of the Christ-follower remains the same.  God has laid a course out for us and we are to set our eyes on Him and never stray.  He is in control and the work of His kingdom is what the Christian needs to be about.  We need to set the example for the rest of the world and live blamelessly....reflecting Christ in the world because the world doesn't care about our relationship with Christ, they care how much we act like Him.

Continuing to count the everyday blessings:

562.  Clear answers from a God who has been in my shoes and knows what I struggle with.

563.  A group of women who are loving, supportive, and eager to know Christ more.

564.  Summer-like temperatures in November.

565.  A three-day weekend to rest and find peace.

566.  The everyday-ness of chores....the peacefulness of folding laundry, washing dishes.

567.  Every seat filled at church.

568.  A new vehicle. 4-wheel-drive to benefit me and bought from our son to benefit him.

569.  A too busy husband means work continues to be good, when many are without.

570.  The return to normal life following the election.

571.  The rustle of leaves blown across the yard and the crunch underfoot.

572.  The smell of woodsmoke in the air.

573.  Getting back to blogging.

Pondering Independence

I'm back from my self-imposed semi-hiatus, which means it's time to blog.  It's Thursday, which means it's time for Pondering with a Purpose.  I don't know if Brenda and the gang missed me, but I've missed them.  Pondering is one of my favorite weekly memes.

To refresh your memory (and mine), the way this works is that Brenda gives  us a prompt and we (the bloggers) expound on it in any way we want to....photos, poetry, whatever.  Then we grab the link badge (that pretty blue box over there on the left) and leave the link to our post over on Brenda's site.  Pretty simple.  If you want to read the other posts or have the urge to join in simply click on the button or the links above.  Brenda has all the rules spelled out for you on her site.  Now, on with the pondering!

This week's prompt: Independence

Are you independent or do you lean on other people for your basic needs?

For the most part, I'd have to say I'm independent.  I was certainly raised to be.  There was no coddling in our household growing up.  There were chores to do and homework to be done and there certainly wasn't anyone who was going to do them for me.  I was given an alarm clock at age 8 and I've gotten myself up in the mornings ever since.  At about the same time I started putting myself to bed without hugs and tuck-ins.  I was an only child in often isolated areas so I learned to amuse myself.  Unlike so many kids today, my parents were not there to keep me entertained.  I developed an imagination and sense of adventure.  I did and still do things that tend to surprise people.  I'm not afraid to strike out on my own or try something new.  I hope I never lose that.

But then there is another side of me.  I am a Christian and as such I am supposed to be dependent on God for all my needs.  I struggle with that sometimes, with the asking him what his will is.  I tend to want to charge right out there and "git 'r done!"  I also struggle with God being all I need to be satisfied.  I guess that might be the "bad" side of the above coin.  All that hands-off parenting has left me a bit insecure on some level.  I want everyone to like me.  I will do just about anything to avoid conflict.  The idea of someone finding me to be lacking makes me feel sick.  I guess I'm still seeking the love I didn't get and sometimes I expect a lot more from people than they can give and it causes problems.  I'm working on allowing God's love and acceptance to be enough.

Time Marches On

Yes, I am still alive and kickin' and probably having too much fun as of late, but between work, church activities and my continued volunteer efforts at the GOP office, there isn't much time to write and there definitely hasn't been any time to spend reading your blogs and catching up.....except late at night and that won't do.  I can tell you exactly how it would end.

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Who wants to walk around looking like they slept on a waffle iron?  And drool in the keyboard can't be a good thing.

It's (and by it's, I mean everything) all about time isn't it?  We have all these great gadgets and high tech gizmos that make our work easier than it's ever been, but rather than freeing us up and giving us more time it seems to have the opposite effect and we just take on more, filling all the hours there are.  No wonder we're all so stinking tired and grouchy all the time!

Then there's that big unexplainable wrinkle in the space-time continuum (I have no idea if there is such a thing or if I stole it from Star Trek, but just typing such a geeky thing makes me feel smarter.  LOL)....the fact that the older a person gets, the faster time passes.  One of the truest things I've heard said was by a speaker at my high school graduation.  He pointed out that we thought it had taken forever, a lifetime, to get to that point, but that we were about to begin finding out just how short life really is because in the time it took us to walk up onto the stage, take our diplomas, and walk back off the stage the clock would be ticking twice as fast.

Oh, that man was sooooo right and oh, how I wish he hadn't been.  I wish the days when my children were growing up had lasted much, much longer.  There were things with them I wanted to enjoy longer and things I wanted to do with them that never got done.  There have been many things I've wanted to do but never found the time.  There are days so crammed full I don't even notice there are flowers, let alone take time to smell them.

I was really walloped a good one the other day.  Does God ever do that to you (or is it just me that needs it), just smack you right upside the head to get your attention?  He did it at church during my friend, Fran's sermon.  For starters, He taught me something new....Did you know that as believers we're going to be judged twice?  You read that right.  Followers of Christ face two judgements.  Just like everyone we will stand before God and give a personal accounting, but we will also stand before Jesus and be judged on our works in the body of believers.

Personally, I'm not too worried about that first one.  Oh, I'm sure there are going to be scenes from my life that when replayed in the company of God will make me squirm, but I am saved, I have repented of my sin, and I try to grow and do better.  So, I know that's going to end okay.  That second one, though......  That one is all about what we've done once we are saved.  Have we been imitators of Christ?  Have we loved?  Have we worked for the kingdom?  Have we cared for the weak?  Have we told people about Him?  There's an awful lot we should be doing as believers in the church, but are we doing it?  That's what Jesus is going to look at....  how we spent our time.  Ohhhh boy.  Time to make time to examine priorities so that when that day comes we will get to hear "Well done."


Continuing to count with Ann and the others:

552.  A brother-in-law home from Afghanistan, healthy and whole.

553.  Christmas festivals in the woods.

554.  A possible job (we'll know later today) for a daughter! 

555.  A promotion and raise for a son.

556.  Summer-like days in October.

557.  A mouth that is healing from two pulled teeth...no dry sockets!!

558.  Artists who freeze moments in time.

559.  Writers who tell stories.

560.  Musicians who capture feelings in sound.

561.  Friends who will pray for you, whether you ask or not.

When A Dream Is More Than a Dream

I very rarely remember my dreams.  It's because I'm a deep sleeper, I guess, and I seem to be getting worse.  Alarm clocks have been waking me up since I was 7 years old, but this summer, for the first time I began shutting off the alarm when it went off for my husband and having no memory of it.  Just a few nights ago I apparently had an entire conversation with my daughter....while sound asleep.  I have no memory of it at all.  So, when I do remember a dream it tends to stand out and the dream is probably a doozy.

We've been learning about God speaking to us through dreams and visions in Tuesday night Bible study.  General consensus is that He chooses to tell us things in dreams because it's the only time we're quiet and still....particularly in this busy age.  In the past I've had a few dreams that Freud would have had a field day with, but I can't say I've ever had a dream that I thought or knew came from God.  Then the other night I had this dream....

I was at an old church...just the little, white, country type and there were a lot of people I didn't know, but some I did.  I was in a small room that was very crowded with people sitting in a circle for I believe, a Sunday school class.  The teacher was across from me and a little to the left.  He was the stereotypical jewish man from television and movies.  It was noisy and everyone was talking, but the teacher said, "Stacy, would you read Psalm 24 for us."  I said I didn't have my Bible and asked to borrow one.  Someone handed me a very, very old Bible, the kind you can picture a monk hunched over, pain-stakingly scripting each letter.  The cover was tattered and the parchment pages delicate.  I turned to Psalms and I kept flipping through the pages, but I couldn't find Psalm 24.  The teacher said, "It's Psalm 24."  I was frantically flipping the pages back and forth.  Finally, I looked and Psalm 25 was there.  I flipped the page and Psalm 23 was there, but no Psalm 24.  I looked at the teacher and said "It's not here.  The page is missing.  It's been torn out or fell out."  At that point, someone handed me a new Bible and I turned to Psalm 24 and asked the teacher, "Psalm 24, right?"  He nodded and I looked down to read and that's when I woke up.

As I woke up from the dream I told myself it was important and that I must remember it.  I ran over it again in my mind trying to remember each detail.  The most important thing to remember seemed obviously to be Psalm 24, a scripture I've read, but can't say I've ever studied so was not overly familiar with it.  When I got up in the morning I did two things.  I fired off an email to my Bible study teacher whom I trust and to whom God has given a lot of knowledge and understanding.  I wanted her take on my dream.  The second thing I did was read Psalm 24.  In several different translations.  It's a very powerful scripture.  I'd like to share the version found in The Message with you.  While not the most accurate translation language-wise, The Message often gives the best understanding of the feeling of a scripture.  This is one of those times...let your mind picture the scripture as you read.

God claims Earth and everything in it,

God claims the World and all who live on it.

He built it on Ocean foundations,

laid it out on River girders.

Who can climb Mount God?

Who can scale the holy north-face?

Only the clean-handed,

only the pure-hearted;
Men who won't cheat,
women who won't seduce.

God is at their side;
with God's help they make it.
This, Jacob, is what happens
to God-seekers, God-questers.

Wake up, you sleepyheaded city!
Wake up, you sleepyheaded people!
King-Glory is ready to enter.

Who is this King-Glory?
God, armed
and battle ready.

Wake up, you sleepyheaded city!
Wake up, you sleepyheaded people!
King-Glory is ready to enter.

Who is this King-Glory?
God-of-the-Angel-Armies;
he is King-Glory.

My teacher offered some interpretations relating to me personally that have hit me profoundly.  In addition to those, though, as I've continued to study the verses I believe God was telling me something broader, as well, something that is for all believers.  

Think of the imagery of the verses....God is standing at the gate.  He is dressed for battle (the battle for our souls) and he has his armies of angels behind him!  He is ready!  The battle is his, not ours.  But he stands at the gate, not yet entering.  Why??  Because he is waiting for us.  He is giving us time to mature, to be ready for his arrival, to throw open the gates and welcome him.  But....there will come a day when he won't wait any longer.  A day when he will throw open the gate and deal out the wrath of heaven on all that is evil.  So, we need to get busy.  We need to prepare and get ready.  We don't want to be caught unprepared on the day the gates open.

Joining today with Ann and the others in counting blessings...

481.  Much needed rain.

482.  Cooler temperatures.

483.  No recent arguments with the adult child in residence.

484.  An amazing group of women at church.

485.  A Sunday afternoon movie with the husband.

486.  Finding someone to take the puppy in for her surgery this morning.

487.  Two weeks of school behind me and bus schedules finally ironing out.

488.  A fairly well-behaved group of kids this year.

489.  Contentment with life.

490.  A really good new doctor who is on top of things and that the husband likes (so maybe he will listen).

491.  Ankle pain that isn't getting bad enough to keep me from driving (I am getting x-rays today and see the Dr. again next week).

492.  Peach real-fruit popsicles.

493.  Anything and everything pumpkin flavored.

494.  Sunday mornings curled up with my puppy and the paper.

495.  Safe travels for Mom and her husband so far on their vacation.

496.  A very nice new aide on my bus.

497.  Eat 'n' Park's Seafood Bake.  So bad for me, but sooooo yummy!

498.  Mild hot flashes.

499.  A basket of goodies fresh picked in the garden.

500.  Half-way to a goal.