Pondering with a Purpose - Love Thyself?

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What is the definition of gray?  Pennsylvania in January and February.  Ugh, I hate the winter months here.  It's so bleak.  No sunshine.  Gray sky.  Gray ground.  Gray trees.  And everything is coated with salt residue so it's grayer yet.  Blahhhhh.  I would not make a good Eskimo.  I crave sunlight.  And I'm pretty sure I don't like whale blubber.

It's a good thing there are bright spots like Pondering with a Purpose to get me through.  Thanks to Brenda for coming up with and hosting this sweet little blog hop, that each Thursday offers a "meaty" topic for us to do with what we will on our own blogs.  Some of her subjects make me wonder if Brenda didn't miss her calling as a psychologist.  She does like to get us looking at some pretty difficult things.  This week is no exception.

This week's prompt:  love thyself?

Do I love myself?  

How is sometimes for an answer?  I guess a "real" answer would have to be that I try.  

When I was a child and my world was secure it was easy to love myself.  As a teenager it was difficult.  I was unsure of the new body and feelings developing and like most teens I compared myself to others.  Others, who of course, seemed to have it all together.  Who always dressed the right way, had hair that did that Farrah Fawcett thing just right, and never said something dorky in front of the hottest guy in school.

College was easier.  I'd gotten comfortable with the new body and feelings.  I learned they had power and I used them.  I'd have to say I liked myself a LOT in college.  Looking back, I'd say I was one of the few who really liked me then.

Then came adulthood.  Yeah.  I've not had a good relationship with myself as an adult.  I've become shy, unsure, ashamed.  I've bought into the myths that I'm not lovable, have no value, etc.  I'd give up on life if I didn't have defenses against it.  And for me, that defense is a  relationship with God the Father.

As the bumper sticker says, "God don't make no junk."  That's truth.  You can take it to the bank.  God created each and every one of us.  He knows the hours of our days.  He knows every hair on our heads.  Whatever fault you think you have, he created for a reason.  He can and does use us wherever we are and however we are.

Do I still wish I was thinner?  Or a better speaker?  Or had a bigger blog following?  Sure, I do, but I'm also thankful for what I do have and I'm learning to appreciate what I can do with it.