December 20, 2012

Pondering How to Overcome Loss

Good morning!  It's good to feel well enough to even contemplate writing a post.  I started feeling like something was coming on back on Monday afternoon.  By Tuesday evening I was running a fever and couldn't get warm no matter what I did and when I did finally get warm, it was too warm.  I called off work yesterday.  I already had a doctor's appointment scheduled for a follow-up so, I kept it.  Good thing.  I don't know what I have, but he put me on an antibiotic and a steroid (to reduce swelling in my sinuses).  I was running a fever, achy, and my ears are so full of fluid the ear drums are bulging.  He gave me an excuse and ordered me to stay home again today.

I am hoping to feel a LOT better by tomorrow so I can go to work.  It's the last day of school, payday, and our Christmas party is in the evening.  Unfortunately, in looking at the weather forecast.....it may not matter how I am feeling.  We are in the area predicted to see 6-10 inches of snow!

Well, enough about me and my cooties.  Let's move on to what you've come looking for, Pondering with a Purpose. 



Today Brenda asks us to ponder:  Overcoming Loss

How do you do it? Have you done it? Do you have any advice for others?

Now this could be a...

Loss of Innocence
Loss of Dignity
Loss of Privacy
Loss of a loved one
Loss of purpose

I've touched on most of these in other posts I think, but maybe Loss of Innocence is one I've neglected.  I think for me the first time that happened was when I was in my early 20s.  I had a sheltered childhood growing up.  Whatever else was wrong with it, I was protected from the bad things of the world.  I knew I was loved or would at least be taken care of.  I knew the adults in my life were there to deal with things.  I was an only child, only niece on both sides of the family, only grandchild on one side and only granddaughter on the other.

I got married in 1984 at the age of 20, which, to my family seems to have signaled the end of my status as the doted on baby of the family.  Three months later my grandfather died unexpectedly and my family seemed to begin to implode in slow motion.  It took a couple of years to completely settle my grandfather's estate and through it all I got to see sides of my family I never had a clue about.  They told me things about each other.  They did things (the worst of which would be my aunt trying to put the moves on my husband).  Once the estate was settled both aunts dumped their husbands in quick succession and less than honorable ways.  Rifts were created that have never been completely mended.  I've never been able to look at my family the same knowing the things I know.

The whole family fell apart and grew distant.  I lost my innocence and my family for the most part.  How did I handle it?  Badly.  I mourned like I would for any loss and I've admittedly never really forgiven some hurts.  For a long time, I held tightly to them reliving and rehashing them over and over and justifying my anger by how terrible the wrongs were.  I am working on coming to terms with it all and letting it go now, though.  Why now?  Because I became a Christian since those days and as such I am an ongoing project, always learning and growing in my faith and my ability to live as I should.  These days I know that I can live through loss, no matter what it is, because I have God to give me strength and hope.

14 comments:

Marti said...

I know it is a sad but true fact that death brings out the worst in so many people, or maybe it just lifts the mask of who they really are. I have seen it happen so many times. I am ashamed for them, but I try to take the higher road and remember the good about those involved.

My Kid's Mom said...

I've seen many families that do nothing but fight after the death of a family member and it always makes me sad.

retired not tired said...

It is hard to keep a family together when the person who is the glue is gone. My hubby hasn't seen his brother in more than 10 years.

Brenda Youngerman said...

Oh Stacy! First I want to tell you how lucky I feel that you participate in my Pondering posts.... I love reading your blog! I think that there are so many families that share similar (well not all of them) stories to yours.. I have always found it interesting how one family memeber seems to hold the reins in a family... even if the family is all adults.
Personally I don't have a great relationship with most of my family... they just don't get where I've been and they don't seem to want to try - and my mom seems to play the "I'm changing my will" card way too often for me to even care anymore.

Have a Merry Christmas... and thanks for Pondering with me!

Len Williams~ Carver said...

The "Vultures" come flying out of the attic with the bats when there is a death and it is so sad I have seen it in my own family when the deceased didn't have two nickels to rub together they still fought ove some stupid "thing" of no consequence. I am so glad you are now a Christian for God loves, heals and fortifies us when we are dealing with so many trials. god bless

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Mrs4444 said...

You sound like someone I would really like to know in real life.

My coworker is an only child, only niece (or nephew) and only grandchild. She said that she was so doted on as a child that everyone in her family sent birthday cards to her TWICE per year (1/2 birthday). I know, right?! I'm sorry your family has some tough issues to work through. it sounds like you have the right mind about it, though.

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