Unlike my daughter and husband (also undiagnosed because he refuses to entertain the idea he could have ADD) who tend to have a more evident form, I am what people call a "dreamer." When I'm not interested in something (and sometimes even when I am) my mind wanders far away. Because people like me don't "act up" like traditional ADHD people, we're often not diagnosed.
It doesn't help our cause that we are usually very intelligent and are able to "fake" it, so to speak. For me, that has meant (even as a journalism major with a heavy concentration of English courses) that I never wrote a rough draft of anything unless I was required to turn one in. Virtually ever paper or report I've ever written has been typed the night or even hours before it was due. Because they've been good (I got mostly A's) no one ever saw a problem. I shouldn't admit it, but for the most part when I had to write a report on a required book (not of my choosing), I rarely read the whole thing. I've never studied for a test. Either I learn something on the first reading or lecture or I'm not going to get it. Yet, I still managed to graduate from high school with honors.
What I love are the days when (as I call it) the brain fog lifts or parts or evaporates or whatever it does....and my brain works differently. Like it's supposed to. I feel like I can do anything on those days.
What I hate is the lack of purpose. I've been struggling with the whole kids-are-grown-(semi)empty-nest thing for nearly two years and trying to figure out who and what I am now that my job as a full-time mom is over. What do I want to do? More importantly, what does God want me to do? Short answer...I have no idea.
The sermon this past Saturday was about spiritual gifts. 1 Corinthians 12:7-11 says, Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit the message of wisdom, to another the message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he gives them to each one, just as he determines.
We might show signs of several gifts in our life, but at any given time there should be one clear "leader." Do you know what your gift is? It's not unusual for us not to know or to look at a specific gift and think "That's not me!" That's part of why it's important to hang out with other believers. They can look at your life and see what your gift is. My pastor said to ask her if we weren't sure. I think I'm going to have to ask. Thank goodness, I can keep asking God, too. Just because I'm not getting the message doesn't mean he's not sending it. I am grateful that he is patient and will wait on me.