July 16, 2012

Even For This

Sometimes it gets me down and sometimes I want to curse it, this Attention Deficit Disorder that is my way of life.  Seriously curse...

  • The antsy feeling that I should be doing "more."  
  • The mind-numbing boredom while surrounded by so many, many things to do.  
  • The inability to finish a project.  
  • The procrastination that leaves me stressing at the last minute and bills paid late.
  • The fruitlessness of trying to pay attention to boring stuff.
  • The forgetfulness.
  • The disorganization.
  • The impulsive spending.
  • The mood swings.
  • The lack of relationships.
  • The addictions to food and the computer.
  • The sense of purposelessness and feeling like life has been a waste.
And yet, I can't, for the One who created me had his reasons.  He makes no mistakes.  He has purpose for me just as I am.  I have worth.  I am good enough right now.  Instead of cursing, I can count...

393.  The daydreams and flights of fancy make me creative.

394.  When I succeed in spite of my "challenges" there is no doubt who made it possible.

395.  Schedules and lists that keep the day on track.

396.  Clocks that are my best friend and keep me from losing the day.

397.  Being okay with things being less than perfect.

398.  The computer can be a good thing.  I've learned to do a lot on my own and I've been able to reach out to a lot of people over the years in friendship and ministry.

399.  I can be spontaneous and know how to fly by the seat of my pants.

400.  I'm okay with being quiet, reflective...listening to Your voice. With my daydreaming tendencies I imagine myself at Your feet, my head resting against Your knee.  You stroke my hair and I listen to Your voice.  My daddy, my Father.

401.  There are a lot of other people out there with ADD or raising kids with ADD.  I know what they're dealing with.

402.  I've learned to learn fast....because I'm not going to sit and study or be lectured to for any great amount of time.  

403.  Words are the things that hold me.  I can lose an entire day in a book or writing.  Writing is a focusing tool.  I write many of my prayers so my mind doesn't wander and I don't fall asleep.

and not ADD related...

404.  Puppy snores coming from under the desk.

405.  Extra work this week.

406.  Tart, juicy, blueberries on my Golden Grahams.

407.  A visit from our son and granddaughter.

408.  Communication with my daughter-in-law.  A start.  A step, maybe, in the right direction.

409.  A pastor who talked with the hubby about needing "balance" in his life.

410.  Unexpected income.

411.  The return of TWO prodigals to church this week.

412.  Much needed rain.

413.  A fender bender that was nothing worse.

414.  A daughter who is already in for the night.

415.  A couple of women at church that surprised me by reaching out in friendship.

416.  My own against-my-nature efforts to be intentional at friendship meeting with success.

417.  The safety and accomplishments of the work crews at the church.

418.  A gifted husband with a strong work ethic that draws the admiration of others.


Ellen Stewart (aka Ellie/El/e/Mrs. Seaman) said...

Are you sure it's ADD and not depression?

Wendy S. said...

I understand how ADD can lead to depression but I don't see you as depressed. Frustrated at times, melancholy as well but also incredibly talented with your writing and most of all having a huge and beautiful spiritual heart.

Stacy said...

Yep, I'm sure, Ellen. I've raised two diagnosed ADD kids and as I've walked through it with them there have been so many "ah-ha!" times when I've been able to see that things I did clear back into my own childhood were ADD. The two often come together, but I know when depression hits. It feels a lot different to me.

Wendy...I believe you're right on the money. I have minor bouts of depression that rarely last more than a day or two and then I'm back to "normal." Thanks for the encouragement. :)

Chatty Crone said...

My grandson has this - it is very interesting to hear about it from an adult point of view. Thank you. sandie


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